Your life has suddenly been turned upside down and your stomach has been turned inside out. You most likely feel that you have no solid ground on which to stand. You may ques- tion all that you have believed about your past, present and future because it has changed overnight. You may feel like your relationship was all a total lie. You might wonder “who is this person I have been living with all of these years?”
A FEW THINGS THAT MIGHT BE HELPFUL DURING THIS DIFFICULT TIME:
1) Be selective about who you choose to share your situation with. There may be a tendency to tell the world or to go it alone sometimes due to feelings of shame. Every confidant comes with their own views and experi- ences that will affect how they communicate with you. Finding a good therapist who understands this sensitive situation is essential. It is important to have a safe place to explore your deep and painful feelings which may include anger, resentment, fear, insecurity, and loss. (The goal is to settle with your feelings to find ways to move forward that are in your best interest without judgement.)
The many feelings that you may be experiencing are very real.
Although others may seem to have little or no compassion for your process, you too are in an emotional crisis. The dishonesty and bro- ken trust are difficult realities to face for both parties. Being caught between the feelings of betrayal of your long-term partner and the excitement and adoration of someone new, can be very deceiving. Stopping and taking a good look at what is driving your choices is crucial. It’s crucial because the feelings and validation enlightened by the paramour may appear to fulfill needs that have been void in your relationship/marriage. It is in this time frame that you may believe and “feel” that the “other” is the key to all that has been missing.
The downside is that the emotional choices made during this period can have painful consequences for you and your family. It is not uncommon to realize that the choices made in an emotional whirlwind can result in you experiencing incredible regret and loss.
If you have children, allow yourself to look at how your choices may affect them. It can be very easy to overlook the consequences on family life. The division of time with your children, holidays, milestones, school functions, sports events and beginning a new relationship has its challenges. In the beginning all seems so doable because you are in a “feel good” state that believes all will be well. This is not to say that some relationships don’t manage to work out the details of a blended family, but in truth statistics show that it’s not easy and has life changing effects on our children. I encourage you to take that “time out” before you effect the lives of so many based on “a feeling.” I am not in any way trying to “rain on your parade.” I am hoping to help you evaluate your situation from a more thought out perspective because we know emotions can drive the decisions in an affair.
Spending time with a therapist who can support you to look beneath the surface of what your experiencing, can be very helpful. You may be conflicted with many emotions such as fear, guilt, anger, loneliness, and anxiety. Having someone to help you sort these emotions out is important.
A FEW THINGS THAT MAY BE HELPFUL DURING THIS DIFFICULT TIME:
3) Remember that what most likely led to your affair was a loss of communication between you and your partner. It may not be the loss of “love” that came between you and your significant other. As time passes and reality sets in with your affair, you may realize that you were lonely, hurt, rejected and angry with your partner which led to your going outside of your relationship.
“If you have small children, protecting them from negative emotions in your household is very important.”
CYNTHIA WESTON, MS, LMFT EMDR
Healing experiences from life’s difficulties led me on a path to support others that want the same. Staying stuck, fearing change, and learning to get to the other side of myself and face the internal, emotional and spiritual challenges is what I’m all about. I am relational, compassionate, deliberate and transparent. I have passion for those that are caught in or stuck in a spiral of confusion, disillusion, heartache and uncertainty. I know that life can turn us inside out without knowing where to land.
Most of my greatest challenges have made me strong, unafraid, adventurous and excited to face the life I am creating for myself.
I have been in private practice for over twenty years, specializing in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprossing for trauma. Clients struggling with Divorce, infidelity, addiction and parenting skills are part of my specializations. My clients are of all ages and come from all walks of life. I believe I have a unique way of reaching people through my transparency, compassion and personal life experience by creating a safe place. I am working via Zoom dividing my time between California and Tennessee. I am a grateful mom to a son, I have two beautiful Granddaughters and a spicy standard poodle, Stella. I’m a country music fan, lover of the outdoors, an actress and writer. Keep and eye out
Email: firstname.lastname@example.org and Webpage: townsgatecounsleingcenter.com
2660 Townsgate Rd. • Suite 530 Westlake Village,